Grow old with me, the best is yet to be...
Carry me in your Arms(2) +
When I got home that night as my wife
served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat
down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I
didn't know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want
a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words,
instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry.
She shouted at me, "you are not a man!"
That night, we didn't talk to
each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to
our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my
heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced
at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life
with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and
energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected
to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which
had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast
asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she
was still there at the table writing. I just didn't care so I turned over and
was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions:
she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the
divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as
normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She
requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom
to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
Just to
make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew
about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was
absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said
scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention
was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms.
His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then
to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes
and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to
work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted
much more easily. She leaned on my chest... I could smell the fragrance of her
blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.
I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her
hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her
up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten
years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense
of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to
carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite
a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses
have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the
reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me; she had buried so
much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and
touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to
carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged
him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind
at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom,
through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and
naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held
her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to
office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid
any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door
and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She
looked at me, astonished, then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She
said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My
marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of
our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realized that
since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her
until one of us departs this world.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She
gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked
downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of
flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled
and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until we are old.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not
the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create
an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.